Photo by Alice Donovan Rouse on Unsplash

How does one begin to explain the stress associated with trying to find that space between rest & emergence, that space being balance.

noun: balance

a condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions

• stability of one's mind or feelings
• harmony of design and proportion

Since the March of 2020 when the world came to a pause and had to sit with itself, like many others, I too withdrew inward into myself. What can I do better, what did I learn, how can I grow ..... and while I was able to answer those questions , I wasn't prepared to do the work. 2020 was a test to see if I would give up on my dreams, my ambitions & goals, would I sink or swim.

Well, I was barely able to keep my head up above the water. Honestly while I redirected most of my energy and focus into my brands and education, I began to burn out. Amongst all the surprising & stressful life things that happened I began to really burnout in all aspects of my life.

I was reinviosioning my business, adding a new line of products but I was losing joy, creativity, and confidence in myself. Never in my life have I ever been at a point that I didn't know what was next, or what I could "see" or work my way into something new. I was lost and that was the most disorienting experience for me. So I withdrew, barely active creatively, barely working on my business, living day to day with no sense of purpose or fulfillment. 

I like to think I'm very strong mentally, but 2020 dug at me and when 2021 began I folded. A very messy emotional time for me but it was when I let go that I got the clarity and insight I needed. This process was not easy or even reassuring but what it did do was give me a direction. Doing a deep dive into myself I realized that the common theme that kept making itself known to me throughout the year was "balance."

Because I lacked balance in all parts of my life , I was being forced to deal with the fall out. I got closer to processes & rituals that brought balance into my life. Early risings, journaling, prayer & sermons followed by tea, music & my favorite youtubers. Getting in touch with my inner child by dancing, singing, laughing and just watching anime and cartoons allowed me to release and unwind. 

Going on morning runs and hiking up hills kept my body moving, getting stronger and better with each day. Months passed by and I realized how much clearer my mind was, how I found this need to prioritize resting just as much as working and how to find the balance in everything in my life. Balance in my emotions, thoughts, habits, relationships, etc. 

No matter how many times I wanted re-emerge, get a creative itch, I had to acknowledge that I wasn't ready and rushing the process wasn't going to help me. 

1. 1.

   the process of coming into view or becoming exposed after being concealed
2. 2. 

   the process of coming into being

I am not ready to emerge just yet but as I am becoming , I feel this sense of becoming new, something redefined blossoming within me. Focused on becoming the person I want fully and commited to stepping into that fully, taking up space for the new while shedding the old layer of who I was. When I do emerge it will be powerful and balanced. 

I am not sure if this make sense to anyone outside of myself but this is the journey I am on. Making sure I keep balance within myself & life, I will enter a new chapter. 

So my words to you who is dealing with a lot, to you who is lost, to you who is uninspired - please rest, find your balance, and remerge slowly.